While working with and training a group of people who have experienced stillbirth or early infant death (so they can be of support to others experiencing the same thing), one thing became apparent. Most people are very uncomfortable around anyone who has just experienced stillbirth ... to the point where they are not able to be of support to those experiencing the grief. In their discomfort they often deny it, ignore it, or make light of it; wanting them to "get on with living" as if it had not happened.
I wonder if it could be that we are uncomfortable, at least partly, because a stillbirth symbolizes for us the many "stillbirths" which happen in our own lives ... the times when there has been something growing within us, some developing talent or potential, some contribution to the world that could only come from (within) us, something conceived and growing in the uniqueness that is you/me. But some circumstance prevents the potential from ever being born; or, having been born, from growing and developing and becoming a part of what is. And we try to forget what might have been, and avoid things that might "symbolize" it and cause us to feel the grief of the loss. I don't know. I just wonder.
Then, on the other side, I wonder if some of the magic and enchantment of the season of Christmas might not stem from another "symbol" ... the symbol of a birth that has been a-long-time-coming, but with a potential that NO circumstance can ever prevent from ultimately growing to full stature. Maybe slow and torturous, like growth from babyhood to maturity, but certain and "of a great joy which will come to all people."
Anyway, the second thought surely helps me live with the first.
Kent & his wife Mary live in Elkhart IN. Kent has recently retired from a community health facility where he served as the pastoral services coordinator. Kent has also served 24 years of pastoral ministry in Iowa, South Dakota & Indiana and eight years as director of pastoral care at a local hospital in Elkhart.