Wearied Work and Other Soul Crossings

Because of Molly's job, we arrived late at La Casa de Maria, a beautiful mission set in the mountains of southern California. We tentatively peered around the corner only to be welcomed with smiles and open arms. The "altar" in the center of the room consisted of a brightly colored cloth, flowers, river-rocks, assorted drums and various other objects not directly associated with traditional Christianity. It seemed interesting and inviting.

Molly and I stayed together in the first round of choosing a group, then we paired off with two other people. We were all there for various reasons associated with the Work Weary Soul. I didn't know my spiritual capacity and Molly had her doubts, but the fact remained we were both extremely work weary, and if all else failed, we'd been told we could play tennis, swim and have quiet time to sleep and read.

Through the major group work (there were about 40 of us) we were introduced to the scripture involving the Feeding of the 5,000. What charged me up was that instead of leaving it all to a miracle, we investigated the probability that everyone brought a bit for themselves and ended up putting what they had left in the basket to feed others. Instead of blaming the miracle on Jesus, we realized the true meaning of community and a spiritual one at that. Even when we spoke of Bible study, it was a far cry from my Parochial past - no rote memorization, regurgitation and leaving it all up to the Almighty. Instead we learned to incorporate preparedness into our daily lives, as well as compassion and community.

I keep referring to community. What I mean by that is the presence of the special miracles which happen every day provided by other humans; such as someone filling your parking meter with change when you're about to run out (even though it is illegal), a young boy learning English on an Ecuadorian bus in order to help serve his town better, a stranger offering help with your packages, an individual giving you a friendly smile to brighten your day, or even something as simple as a hug at the end of a long and troubling encounter. This sense of "do unto others" which I've always believed in more than some of my Catholic teachings of damnation and hell-fires, gave me warm fuzzies when I realized I was in a room ftill of people willing to help a "proclaimed heathen" as myself. Within that larger loving community of 40 at the retreat, we also had the smaller groups of four to discuss the teachings more intimately.

Personally, I got to know my sister better. Growing up, we were more like apples and carrots, not even in the same food group. I don't think we resemble one another and I found it a bit enchanting to be mistaken as Molly, for she is a wonderfully strong person whom I often aspire to be. We discovered that in terms of spirituality and soul work, we are indeed from the same family, the same framework, and the same DNA. We giggled, we read, we talked, we slept, but most importantly, we grew. We came away from the weekend stronger and even somewhat more vulnerable. I promised to speak my mind better, to tell people how I really feel instead of fearing how they'll react, and I discovered that people do appreciate the honesty.

I also learned that weekends spent in safety allow me to truly be myself. Knowing there wouldn't be ridicule for speaking my mind or laughter for confessing my biggest fears (no matter how ridiculous I felt they were) and how wonderful it feels to truly, honestly listen to someone and instead of trying to help or heal, just allowing them to say the words is sometimes enough.

Shawn Vidmar is completing her MA in English Literature (postmodernism) at the Univ of Idaho in Moscow. She is also founding a web design business with three other computer geeks, is the travel correspondent for the university's newspaper and spends a lot of time on adventure with her mastiff, Petey.