I
have been annoyed by the crying of a child during worship. Silently I scold
the parents, "Can't you tell that your child is bothering most of the people
nearby? Are you too embarrassed to take her out?"
It makes me mad at myself, a person who claims to be a follower of Jesus Christ with such a fetish for solemn quiet in worship when Jesus himself seemed to have a different opinion. Even our interim pastor has several times interrupted his sermon to tell a retreating mother, "You don't have to leave, he's welcome here."
But then Fredrena died. After 30 years of marriage, she has gone to be with God while I clumsily forge ahead, fathering two adult children and grandfathering the sweetest five-year-old you can imagine. If anyone was groomed and enthusiastic to be a grandmother, it was my dear wife. She and Jana were inseparable pals. I didn't pay very much attention because theirs seemed to be a world enclosed by their love for each other and I was a distant moon. My orbit was respectful and made only occasional efforts to approach nearer.
Since the funeral, Jana has talked only a little bit about her grandmother. "What will we do with grandma's clothes?" "There's the zoo, Grandma took me there." I have wanted her to talk about her loss but so far she hasn't very much. But we have done some things to start our own uncommon relationship.
Jana is hooked on the card games, War and Crazy 8s. We spend hours playing War because each card requires a comment or a song. 2s and 3s we call "Chicken Feed", 8s are obviously "Snowmen" and for some reason, to Jana the 6 is "Baby Jesus". Each time our cards match we shout at the tops of our voices, "I love this part."
The week after Fredrena died, the house continued to be full of family, including Jana and her dad, my son Andy. On the following Monday, most were gone and Andy decided to take an appropriate, bold step and file for divorce from Jana's mother. The attorney advised him to stay in Nebraska until the judge told him he could leave or he risked his claim for custody. He decided to try to get his old job back and was put to work the next day. I was taking funeral leave from school teaching and was happy to care for Jana.
I am completely convinced that God provided this child for me to help me begin the process we call grief. What a wonderful week we had. We went to a movie and the zoo. We chalked the driveway and played more than a few games of War. One game was for the record books.
Being more sophisticated now, we didn't shout, "I love this part," when we both turned over 7s on the very first play. Yet we did agree that this was an excellent way to begin the game. We both played our three face-down cards and then played the next one up and loved it because we matched again. After three more cards down, the next face-up card matched again. We had never had the start of a game go like this! Three down, one up; matched again. We were half way through the deck at this point. Three down, one up; matched again. Three down, one up - I am not making this up - we matched until 25 cards had been played and we each held one last card. Jana was jubilant; I was incredulous and said to her, "You know what this means, don't you? The one of who plays the higher card on this play wins everything."
When we turned over card 26 and saw two Kings we both screamed. She said, "Grandpa, we have to write this down." And she is right. Jana loves markers and is learning her letters and I have helped her begin her version of the Wonderful War Game.
Did I just place the word wonderful next to the word war? They don't go together very well unless our card game is considered a parable for strife in our world? I so wish that conflicts and competitions could end like that one did with two absolute equal winners and thorough delight in the experience and each other.
So many people have been extraordinary help to me since Fredrena unexpectedly died, but Jana has been God's unique gift. I thank God I am learning through this child. I'll still be startled by an unexpected yelp at the quiet part of worship, but my growing relationship with Jana helps me see with new eyes Jesus' vision of what childlikeness is.
Tom Pappas is a high school teacher in Lincoln NE and long-time member of the Nebraska FAW Team.