Remember the Singles!

It was the Christmas season when my friend Doris and I signed up for a Christmas retreat, dinner, a Milwaukee Children's choir concert, overnight and breakfast.

It was obvious at the before dinner reception that we were outnumbered, four singles and 30 couples. We tried to hold our own as singles, visiting with each other, an occasional "hello" and short conversations with those we recognized.

The four of us sat at one table, an elegant table set with candles in lovely brass containers, flowers and holly wreaths. It's the way things are, as singles, isolated from the coupled world. We enjoyed the ambiance and our conversation about the present and the past brought us together, a little like family. I covered my nostalgia with the candle glow of the now.

At the after dinner concert we delighted in the resonance of children perfectly tuned to the music of Christmas. The evening was over and we retreated to our rooms, to reflect on the Christmas we'd been given by the children, then to read ourselves into sweet dreams of lollipops and such things, dancing in our heads.

Breakfast buffet "a la elegance". The two of us decided, "Let's choose a table where we need not be segregated as singles. "How about this table for six?", I asked Doris. We sat down. Surely couples would join us. No chance it seemed as they looked over our heads, around us or through us and chose coupled tables.

It happened almost simultaneously, we laughed in unison! "Do you think that anyone will sit with us, couples that is?"

The line at the buffet grew shorter AND the empty tables grew less. The last two couples had no good choice but to sit with us or on the floor.

Of course they greeted us warmly. It was the Christmas season. After year's of singleness we've overcome our reticence to begin a conversation, to ask questions, to draw others out. Life is too short, a breakfast even shorter to miss a connection with the stranger.

We talked of church, of children and trips far afield. "You went to that church? You have children and grandchildren? You've traveled, that far, that much? You're related to him, to her? So are we. You won a Cadillac with a coupon?" Now the men were involved. "That's amazing. You know Mike Holmgren?"

Then almost simultaneously the two of us laughed again, "What's so funny?", Jim asked. "Fifteen minutes ago, the two of us chose this table purposely, wondering if couples would sit with us. When there were no more places you "chose" us! It felt good to openly discuss inclusion. After all it was Christmas!

Adaline writes from Northbrook Il where she leads journal workships, teaches creative writing and LifeStory writing. She also does grief workshops, writes stories for children and has volunteered in Interginerational Partnership.