At
3:00 am, I saw three uniformed paramedics hovering over me in my very own
bedroom. Then I was wheeled out on a stretcher to a waiting ambulance with
lights flashing. On the way to the hospital, they asked: "Do you know what
day this is? What year this is?" I promptly replied "January 15, 1999".
"I guess that's close enough," one said. I was exactly right. Why wouldn't I know? As President of the Women's Ministries in a very large church, I was totally immersed in preparing for our first big Women's Conference to be held just one week away and every day was a countdown for me. My days were fully planned and I was always challenged to see how much more I could cram into those daylight hours.
Be Still?
For years friends have urged me to "slow down" and "learn to say no". The scripture I selected for the Women's Fall Retreat was Psalm 46:"Be still and know that I am God." But I hardly had time. Leadership and organization came easily to me. I earned my Masters and Doctors degrees while teaching part time and raising our two children. While pursuing a demanding consulting career, my husband and I carried on a small publishing business on the side. Even after retirement, I coordinated very large conferences and took pride in being able to "do it all."
But the Lord had other plans -- a seizure. No previous warning! After a multitude of tests, the doctors found no apparent reason for the seizure. Possibly my problem was the result of a serious car accident in August. The car was totaled, but I walked away with only a bump on my head. Perhaps the Lord was trying to tell me something then, too, but I was far too busy to listen. With the seizure verdict came the sobering words from the neurologist, "It's a State Law in Texas that after you've had a seizure, you cannot drive for six months." I was stunned! My nonverbal response was "OK Lord, now that you've taken my car keys, what do you want me to learn from this?"
Dependent on Others
I found myself dependent on others: my husband for weekly trips to the grocery store and beauty shop, walking buddies who continued to pick me up each morning for our walk/talks in the mall, church friends who willingly came by to take me to church meetings and Bible Studies and on my daughter, who called daily to ask if I had any errands to be run. It didn't take me long to learn how to wait patiently to be picked up, as well as to be ready on time. My appreciation for others took on a whole new dimension.
I began to ask myself, "Is this trip really necessary? Do I really need to be at this meeting or attend that luncheon or would my prayer support at home accomplish even more?" I became aware of the frantic pace that most of my friends were going and I even suggested that they slow down. They looked puzzled and said "But, Bev, this is what you always did."
Unexpected Benefits
At last, I had time to "stop and smell the roses." Actually my well-tended flowers never looked prettier. There was time to write notes and cards each day, to be available to listen to and talk with friends who called. I turned once more to sewing, a life-time hobby, worked on a benefit quilt and finished another for my daughter. I even had time to prepare our evening meal to be served at 6:00 pm! I learned to enjoy living at a slower pace.
Other benefits included
The last six months gave me time to ponder where I am and to pray about how I could best serve the Lord in this new stage of my life. I have more time for family and friends. My attitude toward those who don't drive and are dependent on others changed completely. I intend to dedicate some time to visit the sick and occasionally run errands for those who are unable. How it feels to be confined and without wheels, I now understand. This has given me an increased sensitivity to my handicapped friends and to my young teen grandchildren. And I have learned to know God in a different way. Suddenly grounded, God gave me wonderful gifts in return.My husband appreciated my being home more. Not driving in Houston traffic relieved much stress in my life. A slower pace enabled me to be calm and experience a new found peace. Scriptures and devotional passages seemed to speak to me and I took the time to jot them down and send them to others.
Beverly Jones is a member of Memorial Drive Presbyterian Church in Houston TX.