Hard Hospitality

There is the story about an old Swede who, after a heated discussion with another member of his church said, "Vell, I tink his heart's in the right place even if his head's a little mixed up".

Dick Meyer's new book One Anothering, Volume 2 invites us to think about how we relate to those within our communities of faith. I'd like to narrow the focus and ask what it means to "one another" those who, (in our humble opinion) have their "head's a little mixed up". How do we relate to those who share a similar belief in Jesus Christ, but manifest that belief in very different ways?

Hospitality and Differences

Let's get right into it. The biggest one-anothering dilemma within American churches today is homosexuality. In a few denominations, a split is a real possibility. While some are sick of talking about it and have put it on the back burner, in others the pot is on the front burner, ready to boil over. There are also churches who seem to believe the pot isn't worth putting on the stove.

In my mind, that's probably the worst option of all. To ignore it, or pretend that this is a simple question seems like head-in-the-sand Christianity. On the other hand, fears over splits and divisions are real. I have got to believe that dividing over this isn't God's first choice for how we work this out.

I'm wondering if a key to hearing the Spirit of Truth on same sex partnerships doesn't have something to do with the Biblical notion of hospitality. Wesley Granberg-Michaelson, General Secretary of the Reformed Church of America writes in a recent issue of Sojourners, "...churches nearly torn asunder need to create 'demilitarized zones', enabling climates where more light than heat can be generated around the issue. This means places of prayer, first and foremost, and safe spaces for faithful reflection and personal sharing, expecting the discernment of God's Spirit in the midst of our biblical study and pastoral care." (5/99)

Safe spaces for faithful reflection, personal sharing and discernment of God's spirit happens neither with our heads in the sand, nor in coercive, threatening speech. It happens when we offer hospitality to each other. Henri Nouwen described this kind of place in this way: "Hospitality, therefore, means primarily the creation of a free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy. Hospitality is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place. It is not to bring men and women over to our side, but to offer freedom not disturbed by dividing lines."

Marriage and Hospitality

It's hard to find good models for that kind of hospitality these days.. I can name plenty of bad ones but where are the models of Christian hospitality within differences?

The best example I've heard lately is actually a couple, Peggy and Tony Campolo. Many have heard of Tony Campolo -- he is professor of sociology at Eastern College, author of many books, and a noted evangelist. Peggy is a writer and editor, and a member of Evangelicals Concerned. They have been married many years, love each other, both consider themselves (and each other) deeply committed Christians. They also disagree on some aspects of same-gender relationships. Tony writes: "Peggy and I choose to publicly express our differences on the issue of homosexuality because we have a message that is more important than anything we say in words: We know it is possible for people who love each other to differ intensely over this crucial issue and not separate." (Sojourners, May 1999) .

That's the thing about marriage-it's safe to talk, to express what you believe, think, feel and don't know, because your partner isn't going to walk away based on what you say. There is an assumed level of respect for the other. There is the assumption of another day together, no matter how badly the discussion went the night before. Not always of course, but at its best the marriage commitment provides hospitable space to discern the Spirit. It's a container that God can use for our growth.

Hospitality and Advent

Advent is also a container of sorts. It's a church season of hospitality. Advent is a time when we are invited to make room for God in this world. We try to clear space within ourselves, "So God imparts to human hearts, the blessing of his heaven". We relate to Mary, Joseph and the nation Israel, as the Advent narratives speak of their fear, confusion, impatience, suspicion, doubt and expectancy.

As surely as God came to this world 2000 years ago bringing light and life, God will lead us to greater clarity about same sex relationships. My personal hope is that we will come to see our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters as full and equal partners in church. But more than my personal beliefs, I trust that Emmanuel will help us understand the truth in this matter.

We aren't there yet. Like Advent, we are still in a time of waiting, fear, doubt and expectation. As is always the case, the role of the church is to provide hospitality for God here on earth. The sooner and better we offer hospitality to one another, the sooner we will host the Spirit.

Doug Wysockey Johnson is pastor of Jericho Covenant Church near Burlington VT.