Here I am God, Send Me

by Bernie Morgan

How do we know when God calls us? Is it a call to our soul or one of those societal nudges? I call these urges my "hafta gottas" or "shoulds". There are times when I am not sure God is there for me when my life has been in chaos and uncertainty. I pray for guidance and direction and wait for a "divine interruption"?

When my husband, Ben, accepted a job in a northern city far away from home, we prayed about the decisions and felt the call of God. Pulling up roots was difficult, but we were excited about beginning a new life. After settling in and the excitement was over I felt lonely and abandoned. Ben had an exciting new job, our daughter Linda was excited about her new high school and I was confused. Where did I fit in this new environment? It was a terrible time for me.

I recalled the words of the prophet "How to worship Yahweh in a foreign land"? I'd lost my sense of place and was grieving, but God had other ideas for me. In retrospect, God called out to me loud and clear. I was directed to use my expertise with young children. Many young mothers were going into the work force and good care for our young was sparse. I named our little school "Circle of Children" and operated it as a nursery school. We began our day by reciting, "This is our circle of children and we are a circle of love." God was ever present in our lives. We were a Christian Community.

During this period, I noticed an invitation in the paper one Sunday. "Come join us in our new Weekend College program" -- College of St. Catherine. The program was designed to enable working people to fulfill their college plans. It was a turning point in my life. Eight years later, I graduated in Theology with an emphasis in pastoral Ministry. I was so proud of my accomplishment and looked forward to another kind of ministry.

God broke into my life again as I closed Circle of Children and became a Christian Education Director in a local church. The job worked well for me; there was a good supportive staff and a loving Christian environment and congregation. After a time, however, I became restless and had to admit, I didn't like the full-time workload for part-time pay? Besides, I didn't want to work on Sundays. Once, driving home in the rain, I called out to God, "What now"? I was disappointed in myself. After all, I accepted a call from God and now it wasn't working. After much prayer and soul-searching, I resigned and we parted friends.

Eventually, Ben retired and we moved to Florida. This had been our plan for years and we looked forward to palm trees and sunshine. I heard God's call once again when I became a volunteer in the hospital chaplaincy program. I visited patients and prayed with them. It was as fulfilling for me as it was for them. I also visit hospitalized patients from my church, serving as a Stephen Minister. I feel God's presence in every room I visit. I love my work.

Now I recognize that God has been calling me since I was a child. At age 7 as I was rummaging through my grandfather's bookcase, I pulled out the Bible. Curious, I began reading -- "In the beginning". Then and now, I've never stopped reading and studying, learning that God has been breaking into my life forever.

C.S. Lewis wrote, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts to us in our pain". If we allow God's "divine interruption" God will indeed help us through life's struggles. "Here I am God; use me where you need me. I am still listening."