What's the difference
between hope and expectation? How do we find hope ---
or lose it? Where does it come from?What's the difference
between hope and expectation? How do we find hope ---
or lose it? Where does it come from?
In Psalm 139, our real hope comes from the God who created us, who knows our inward parts. Such deep knowledge of God's all encompassing love, intent and compassion for us, from before we are born, is where hope begins --- created in us to help us find ourselves and our way home to God.
Our soul always knows who we are, but as we live more into the physical world, our personality (or conscious self) depends so much on outer approval that a thick veil seems to obscure our real and emerging Self. Reason dominates and wants results. Expectations crowd out hopes. I expect the plumber to come at 9am because we made an agreement. I am rightfully disappointed if he doesn't show. I expect Christmas to come on the 25th of December as usual, but if I also expect it to be like our traditional ones, with certain people, with certain foods and the usual ritual, I'm going to be disappointed. Hope has room for change!
Many of life's frustrations and disappointments, I fear, come from mistaking one for the other. I wonder if loss of hope isn't related to loss of illusion, unmet expectations, false assumptions and living in the past or future instead of the now? Maybe that is the beginning of real hopes and dreams --- accepting the chaos, disillusionment of change and reality in order to live in the present moment --- accepting the past as it was, and then making plans and dreaming dreams of a future for God to help us create.
Expectations dashed
In 1992, just after my husband's retirement, we were planning a wonderful trip to Kenya --- part vacation, part medical mission. Two weeks before we left, my doctor found a lump in my breast and had it biopsied. Breast cancer. End of trip. End of... what??
We were scared, disappointed, in denial --- life was out of control. The short version is that I had chemo, radiation, lost my hair, slowed down and began to learn how to take care of myself and listen to my body --- surrounded by prayers of friends. Nine months later, I threw away my wig and with inch-long hair, we flew to Kenya!
The longer version includes shame and guilt (the hospital needed Dave for a month's service), fear, anger, old unresolved issues demanding resolution, dreams saying: Do you want to live or die? Make up your mind now or it will be too late. (I've been working with dreams for 20 years --- this one was clear!)
Hope as a Gift
I learned to meditate. Being regular was hard. I had to face my fears about our marriage and look at my part --- my own need to be in control and fear of being controlled. I had to look for a balance of my gifts and energies and Dave's different ones. Things had to fall apart in order not to be papered over again. I learned again and again about the prayer of relinquishment --- giving all of me --- mind, will, memory, dreams and hopes to God and allowing God to give me back what would be for my highest good. I knew there were lessons to be learned.
It was clear that the inner, spiritual part of me knew a personal and loving God who did not see me with my eyes. Anne Morrow Lindbergh in Gift from the Sea says: "The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. To dig for treasures shows not only impatience and greed but lack of faith. Patience, patience, patience is what the sea teaches... One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach --- waiting for a gift from the sea." Meditation helps me be open --- to the dreams and hopes from God.
Pat Minard is the Copy Editor of Faith@Work magazine, Faith@Work Board member and member of the Nebraska F@W Team in Omaha NE.