Being a Body Together

by Leslie Wright

In 1995, I was a recently separated mom, in career crisis, looking for community and someone to guide me in my search for God. People at my neighborhood church were kind but distant. God was not. The overwhelming presence of God in this strange sanctuary stopped me in my tracks and I thought I would sob with relief and joy.

After the immediate crisis passed I began to look for relationships and friendship among this body of believers. I believed that if God was so warm and present, the same must be true of His believers. Yet, it seemed I couldn't crack the code and make connections. I began to wonder. Was I the only single parent in the congregation? Did I have to join a committee to make friends? Teach Sunday school (even if I wasn't good at it or called to do it)?

I desperately wanted to belong, to know and be known. I was certain that connecting with other believers on a personal level would encourage and deepen my faith.

Eventually I found a place in my congregation teaching Sunday school and volunteering with other children's programs. Then I became part of a focus group intended to address the needs of women in the congregation. This is when true friendship began. I continue to be a part of the leadership of this women's group and, as a result, I know many women and am known by them. I feel as though I make a meaningful contribution and belong to this community. I have a place to share my journey with others, strengthening and being strengthened in my walk with God.

Paradoxically, as I have discovered my own sense of place, I have begun to hear the yearning in the voices of the people around me -- a pining for community and connection. A friend of mine who has belonged to this church for 15 years is looking for a new church home because she still feels no connection. People of all ages and stages have expressed a desire to belong. If we, as a congregation, are a living example of God's love for us and His call to be a caring and healing community, why is it so many of us struggle with this sense of isolation and disconnectedness? And what can we do to change it?

For answers I look first to my own experience. I began to feel part of the community when I began to have personal, authentic relationships with the women around me. God created us for relationship, first with God, then with ourselves, and finally with each other. We define and express ourselves in relationship and so when our relationships are frail or lacking we feel isolated and incomplete. And when we are in good relationships, we often find joy, creativity, and ultimately meaning for our lives.

Transformative Relationships

So how can we create the opportunities for transformative relationships to happen? Relationships begin in small groups when people have a chance to share themselves in a safe environment. People share when they feel accepted and acknowledged. This kind of environment doesn't happen by accident. It requires intentional nurturing and skilled facilitation to create this atmosphere.

There are as many paths to creating a vibrant, sustainable community as there are individuals, but any of the following suggestions might be a good place to start.

• Assemble small groups of congregants interested in community building.

• Open the process to everyone.

• Provide questions that allow the congregants to explore their spirituality, their visions of community and relationship.

• Ask people what they would like!

• Encourage dialogue and engaged listening.

• Provide training in relational leadership and small group facilitation to interested congregants to sustain and grow the community.

• Offer a giftedness workshop. Celebrating each others giftedness and unique contribution provides an obvious opportunity to create community.

A facilitator can support the process by teaching the concepts of trust and confidentiality, by modeling acceptance, authentic listening and being present in the process. Ultimately, each congregation will create their own process. What is important is giving everyone the opportunity to become a living, breathing, connected part of the Body of Christ.