A Pastor to Care For

This Christmas you might want to care for your pastor. Did you know that 40% of the nation's 350,000 pastors are seriously considering quitting and looking for another line of work? Did you know that 50% often describe themselves as depressed?

Dr. David Sylvester, editor of Stories for Communicators, writes, "24% of pastors are currently receiving marital counseling ... one in five has to supplement his or her income, and half claim to have absolutely no one with which to discuss these intimate struggles. 'Heart shrinkage,' as one writer termed it, is becoming all too common in the pastorate. Pastors are dispensers of grace, but do they receive it as well? Does their well of grace get replenished?"

On Christmas Eve this year, your pastor may sing, "Joy to the world the Lord has come," but experience very little of that joy in his or her heart. There are many reasons for this: low pay, high demands, multiple roles (theologian, counselor, priest, fundraiser, administrator, welfare dispenser, worship leader), and... and... and the rapidly changing culture in which we live. Back in 1970 Alvin Toffler said that "change is avalanching on our heads and most people are grotesquely unprepared to cope with it." The rate of change has only accelerated since then.

One of the changes is the unrealistic expectations of pastors. Leith Anderson in his book Dying for Change writes, "The American clergy today faces unprecedented changes. Pastors are expected to be informed, articulate, and charismatic. They are to be as attractive and well groomed as network news anchors, and they are expected to relate to the peculiarities of the community. They are to attract people, raise money, and expand programs."

God called me away from all this in October. For 25 years I served the church as an associate or senior pastor. In August my wife accepted a management position with a real estate company in Nebraska, and for the first time in our 30 years of marriage I packed up and followed her instead of her packing up and following me. I no longer serve a particular congregation. And this Christmas Eve I am looking forward to doing something that I have not done for 25 years -- I will attend and not lead a Christmas Eve service.

Do I miss pastoral ministry? Yes, I miss the weekly preaching. I miss the interaction with the staff. I miss strategizing and dreaming for the future. I miss watching people grow in their faith. But I do not miss being on call 24 hours a day and I do not miss being tied down on weekends. I do not miss the worship wars and I do not miss pastoral care. I was never very good at it anyway. I always thought people would get better quicker if I did not visit them in the hospital!

What am I doing now? I am writing. I hope to crank out a book a year. I am speaking at conferences and consulting with churches on church renewal and small group life. And most importantly, I am looking for a pastor to care for.

A number of years ago I read Every Pastor Needs a Pastor by Louis McBurney. In it he writes, "Perhaps the most destructive and dehumanizing of all ridiculous notions about pastors is that you have no emotional needs. People expect you to be a thick-skinned automaton as they criticize and abuse, but if they are hurting, you are to be warm and comforting. This expectation probably survives because most clergy are afraid to admit their own vulnerabilities. You accept the challenge to be Superman or Wonder Woman, and in pursuit of that goal you rigidly conceal your feelings."

Unfortunately, for those who do have the desire to share their feelings, half claim they have no one with whom to confide. I want to reduce that half by one person this Christmas season. I want to be an oasis for a struggling, hurting pastor. I want to be a source of encouragement, a conduit of grace, and a friend in good times and bad. Shortly after the Christmas Eve service, I will call the pastor and take him or her to lunch, and start what I hope will become a friendship of the heart.

1. Who has been a conduit of God's love for you recently?
2. How is your job satisfaction these days? What energizes you in your job? What drains you?
3. Who needs an extra dose of care from you this Advent Season?

Dick Meyer is the Director of the One Anothering Institute in Omaha NE and author of two books, One Anothering, Vol 1 & 2.