Money Messagesby Rosemary Williams |
to ponder the interconnectedness of these three areas with one's faith |
"The King was in the
counting house
counting out his money.
The Queen was in the parlor
eating bread and honey."
As many times as a child that I recited these lines from "Sing a Song of Sixpence," I never imagined that it would pop into my head forty years later at the precise moment it was most applicable.
Yet, there I was, the only woman and newest member of the private banking department of a large commercial bank, sitting at a conference table with seven men in an elegant cherry-paneled board room. The vice-president expounded on the new marketing plan for several minutes before he turned to the group and asked, "Does anyone have a comment?"
A few of the men murmured some compliments, and then I spoke up. I believed I had an important point to make, an enhancement to the plan. So I expressed it. My words then hung in the air and echoed in the room. Silence. Dead silence.
It became very clear to me that I was not expected to say anything. My words were simply ignored, and the vice-president went on as if no one had spoken. And all I could think of as I observed the faces around the table was that, in this bank conference room, the "King" was in charge of the money. And the "Queen" was to have no part of it.
Money is never neutral . . .
Money never seems to be neutral. The emotional overlay contains the attitudes of our parents, our friends, and our churches. The power of what we have been taught can pop up at any moment, in decisions large and small.
These are what I call "money messages." Our money messages create a system of beliefs that become the rudder of our economic lives for good or for ill. Money messages enter into the activities of the present, turning yesterday's ideas into the driving force for today's actions.
My message from the nursery rhyme was "keep quiet about money matters because men deal with money and women don't." Sure, I might make a simple suggestion, or ask a question when appropriate, but I did not usually argue for my point of view. When I made a major point in a high-level environment---wham---the message to be quiet hit me directly. (I guess the others in the room had heard the same rhyme, too, or a similar one. No one acted in a way that showed they believed I had the right to speak or be acknowledged!)
My messages about money contain the attitudes of my mother, my grandmother, and other family members from both sides. But that's not all. They also contain the history of my life, the information I've absorbed from home, school, church, movies, music, magazines, and friendships. And so do yours.
Money messages are different for each of us, though many of us have heard similar ones, bound as we are by generation, ethnic, or geographic origins. Usually the money story we live by is inherited. It may be generations old, and the strength of our ties to this history binds us in ways that are not apparent to our conscious mind . . . but the story we learn keeps unfolding over time. Whatever we are taught will show up in some way!
The first step of the money journey . . .
The question I put to you is this: How aware are you of the emotional overtones of your money---whether it is earned, inherited, won, given as allowance, received as a gift, or in the settlement of a dispute?
Money messages come in many forms, some obvious, some covert. You may have heard catchy phrases that stick in your mind. Or you may have been given nonverbal messages, which may take longer to identify but are just as powerful.
Money messages come from many sources, not just from people you know but also from the culture: books, movies, art, plays, music, advertising or political slogans and other oft-used phrases.
Take some time now to respond to the following questions about money messages that have influenced your life. Write down as many messages as you can remember. Don't ponder each one too long; just start to write. One message will trigger the next until you come to a resting spot. If you cannot remember any messages, note that and go on. Other messages may rise up in your consciousness as the days go by. Just keep adding them to your list. Jotting down these words may sound silly or simple at first, but catchy phrases and other ingrained expectations can have a vise-like grip on the mind, and this is a great way to understand their hold.
Excerpt from A Woman's Book of Money and Spiritual Vision: Putting Your Financial Life into Spiritual Perspective by Rosemary Williams. Copyright (c) 2000 by Rosemary Williams. Reprinted by permission of Innisfree Press, Inc. A Woman's Book of Money and Spiritual Vision is scheduled for release in February of 2001.
Rosemary Williams is the Executive Director of the Women's Perspective of the Ministry of Money. She is a financial planner living in Fairfield CT.