Not the Last Work

Silence has always been a challenge for me. 35 years ago, a friend said "Paul, why do you always want the last word?" I denied the charge, but made sure I had the last word in our disagreement. The next day, I found him, admitted he was right, thanked him, and began the long process of changing the way I talk. A two-year-old boy helped me.

A friend told me about this child. She said, "When he sees someone who looks sad, he goes up to them and simply takes their hand. He will stand there until they say something to him."

This child helps those who are suffering by noticing their sadness, making gentle contact, and not having the first word. It is clear how his sensitivity and his touch communicate his caring, but how does his silence help the one who is suffering?

Silence is not always a virtue. Just as some people hide their true selves behind a barrage of words, there are others who duck behind the shield of silence. But silence can be the best care we can give if we utilize it as the child did.

His silence shows respect for those who are suffering. He does not invade their pain by saying "Have you tried this?" or even, "What's the matter?" Without having read the rule, he follows the Faith At Work approach of trying to care rather than cure. His silence establishes contact by getting close and holding hands, giving the person time to think. It has been said that "Muddy water become clear if you only let it be still for awhile.

I have tried to extend my restraint with first and last words to all my conversations, whether the other person is suffering or not. My current effort is to restrain my need to have the first and last words when I am communing with God. II Tim 1:7 gives me hope: For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.

Paul Welter has recareered after a long tenure at the University of Nebraska at Kearney. He still teaches "Learning from Children" there and leads seminars. Paul's radio show airs especially for farmers and truckers on several midwest stations. He also consults with businesses and organizations in the area of work-weariness.

Paul's books, Heading for Home & Learning from Children are available from FAW.