He was as persistent as a bee around nectar-filled flowers. This little boy,
no more than 3 years of age buzzing and sometimes stinging my knees with his
little plastic cup. Scantily dressed in clothes somewhat tattered and soiled --
yet round and round he circled us chattering indistinctly but obviously begging
for money.
The crossroad streets were bustling with 6 lanes of traffic in front of our four star hotel -- a noisy, busy scene on a late autumn evening. Still, this child pestered and yelled at us -- we were most obvious because we were Westerners in the metropolis of Hangzhou, China.
In order to stop the child's almost belligerent actions, I dropped some little coins into his cup -- then proceeded to a local ice cream shop for a scoop of ice cream costing 10 times what I dropped in the cup. I looked back at the child who must have realized the startling contrast in money as he took it to his mother, curled up in a darkened spot near a building. Where was the father, why was the child being used this way? What about the Communist government's concern for their citizens who have been passed by in their society? Perhaps the hardest question is the one that still lingers as memory fills in the spaces,
"Why was my 'gift' so tiny when it could easily have been significant for that mother and child for at least one night?" Was this a special visitation from the lover of the poor and outcasts?
Haunting memories persist from this cultural experience. Communism fashions itself on the family as a community, a fact one of our Chinese guides said was both helpful but also very confining. Everything was done within the family community context. Yet, here was this child -- like many more we had encountered in our short 3 weeks in China -- living on the streets.
The aching question arises again each time I see homeless men, women and even children in my hometown, USA. "How come?" But alongside that sense of nearly blaming the homeless for their condition comes the more disturbing question, "What difference can you make?"
Neither China nor the USA has great answers to that concern. In the People's Republic of China there are youthful dropouts who are concerns for their government, too. Drugs from the "Golden Triangle" in SE Asia have also made their immediate impact upon their youthful society. Government officials make quick dispatch of smugglers in public executions, yet the drugs keep coming. Again, the question for parents in both cultures is to ask, "Why my child?"
Both cultures have areas of fast paced living. It's rather sorry that what they are emulating is what we Westerners have said are essential -- "things" -- as a means of finding happiness. How do we as parents and grandparents cope with that which we have found doesn't really amount to the joy we expected because there are always more "things" to be had?
Perhaps the most important response is to see that what matters in both cultures is really relationships. Relationships that have taken the time to provide some depth, where there has been an investment of time from the very beginning of the family, not tacked on at the critical moments. It begins by reading with our children -- sometimes even before they're born as someone has suggested. What that means is taking the time to BE WITH the partner, the child, the parent, the extended family.
A short 3-week visit to another culture does not make me an expert but it does provide the stimulus that caused reflection on my way of living as a family. And there is no one more "expert" at knowing my family than myself -- as parent, as grandparent, as child -- warts and all. I plan to "hear" with my heart as well as my ears.
Bud
Frimoth is an active member of Westminster Presbyterian Church, retired Presbyterian pastor and
hospital clown from
Portland OR. For information about trying this in your community, feel free to contact
Bud.
Check out each of Bud's stories ...
The Cardiac Ward -- A Place for Clowns?:
Bud and his wife as bring hope and good cheer.
Moving Beyond Weariness to $100,000:
A youth in Bud's church brings hope to the community.
A Walking Good Friday Service
An ecumenical service which could be a model for visiting sites-of-need in your city.
A Service of Healing And Wholeness
A mainline church reclaims its heritage of healing.
A Night in Hangzhou
Walk through the streets of this city in China as Bud encounters kids begging to belong.
Is There Any Hope for Me?
Clowning at a homeless shelter with free hug certificates.