What I Want You To Know

by  Char Meredith Hartzell

Have you ever caught yourself leaving little traces of your life lying around for your children to find after you’re gone? Something that will give them a hint of your success, or your struggle, or maybe even your abject failure. Perhaps you keep a journal. Maybe you write a letter and keep it with your important documents. Maybe it’s a poem, an article that helped you through a tough time years ago, a name tag from a conference you attended, a photo of yourself that shows you at your glorious best – even a tract that simply points the way to God!

Perhaps you have a folder in the file cabinet for each of your children, or grandchildren; and when something you pick up reminds you of one of them, you just drop it in their own folder for them to find later – hoping they won’t just grab a bunch of folders, without looking at them, and chuck them in the waste bin. Heaven forbid! That can happen . . .

You may have your last will and testament legally drawn up and safely kept in a safe deposit box, and that’s wise. It’s a caring thing to do. But it seems so … uh, legal! What about the personal desires you carry deep in your heart for your precious kids – flesh of your flesh, bone of your bone, born of your very being? You may have spoken to them about your deepest longings for them. Or, maybe you’re unable to speak directly about the holy things you want for them.

Recently, I read an article titled, “The most important bequest of all”. It was based on a book by Dr. Barry Baines, Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values on Paper (Perseus Publishing, 2002). My immediate response was to clip the article and leave it in sight by my recliner.

Thank you, writer Robert Seidenberg, for speaking clearly to me about doing this. I put a lot of things on paper: grocery lists, to do lists, book lists, prayer lists, anything-I-might-forget lists. The kitchen table, computer desk, bedside cabinet give evidence of all the words I put on paper, little slips of paper, scattered or neatly piled, everywhere. But I haven’t yet started my most important bequest. Postponing must be a common human flaw, because one of the best things Seidenberg did was to add a box within his article, titled “How To Begin.” He suggests:

•  Start today.
•  If you were not here tomorrow, what is the most important thing you would not want left unsaid? Write it down.
•  Be yourself. You cannot bequeath what you never owned.
•  Tell a story about your own learning experiences.
•  Don’t write it all at once.
•  Review and update it from time to time.
•  Share it.

So, I’m starting right now, sort of like jumping into the old swimming hole. It feels good, but it’s scary. I won’t be there to interpret what I write. I won’t be there to answer questions that arise. I better be careful. I better be clear. I better back it up in the way I live right while I’m still here . . .

Here is a start:

TO MY PRECIOUS FAMILY:

Some day I won’t be around to talk to, or to send an e-mail to, any more. Some day you’ll look off into the horizon and ponder, “Where is she now? Where did she go?” I did that when my mom died.

My old shell you’ll have to dispose of. You all know there’s a grave site waiting. But the uppermost desire of my heart is to know that someday we will all be together again.

The most important thing I want to pass on to you is my faith in God. And I can hear you saying, “Of course! We know that!” But are you acting on that knowledge? “Be still, and know that I am God.” The most important choice I ever made was the decision to let Jesus Christ guide my life. I was 10, and I felt I was being ejected out of the church pew into the aisle. I ran to the front, tears rolling down my face, and my daddy’s arms embraced me (yes, my father was the minister). That was the beginning of my long journey towards God. It’s a choice we make: 1) to follow the God-man, or 2) to go it alone and do it “my way”.

I have known all my life that I was loved – by my parents, by my brother and his family, by friends. What I want you to know is that I love you, each of you in your own unique way. From the very beginning of my life I was also taught, and shown, that I am loved by God, always and for ever. He loves you too. He is the Source of love. All love is of God. There is no better truth! No matter what I do, or what I say or think, this is the bedrock of a happy, successful life. Trust Him! It helps to be loved by people first. So, love each other.

Enjoy life. What a gift! Focus on the bright, the true, the finest, the lovely. Open the doors and windows of your life and let the sunshine in. Then share it with somebody else.

I’ve learned I cannot always win. You may even fail at times. Do it graciously. It’s part of life. Learn how to lose. Learn to accept defeat. Learn to say, “I’m sorry!” When you’ve hurt somebody, ask them to forgive you. And mean it. Human beings will never be perfect. I learned I had two natures at war inside me. You do too. You will do some things that you wish you could undo.

Also, I learned that temptation is normal. It started in the Garden of Eden and will continue till earth and heaven pass away! Only Jesus got through life without giving in to temptation. You’ll be tempted to lie, to cheat, to exaggerate, to lust, to envy, to shop too much, to stay up too late, to drink or eat too much. We can be tempted to do too much of almost anything, even anything good. Keep your priorities in mind and ask God’s help in adhering to them. How do you do this? It’s a discipline. It takes work to keep our lives balanced. Most of us zigzag through life. That’s what forgiving is all about.

1. Recognize the temptation. Call it by name. Run from it.
2. If you yield, ask forgiveness – from God, from your loved ones.
3. Trust a friend, or a small group to hold you accountable.
4. Confession is as necessary a part of spiritual life, as elimination is a natural and essential part of your physical life.
5. Change your response so it doesn’t keep happening like a broken record. This takes Will Power. Ask for the Holy Spirit’s power within you. He comforts, but He also shakes you up. Pay attention to His inner nudges.

Bad things happen to good people, but they happen for a good reason. James was right when he said, “Welcome trials as friends.” (Phillips translation, James 1.) It’s the tough things in life that polish and refine us. They will do the same for you, if you choose to learn from them. Polishing takes a long time. Practice living in such a way that those watching you will see how to handle bad things well.

Rest. “On the seventh day God rested”. Who are we to think we can go non-stop? Start building into your schedule those oases that refresh and renew you.. Jesus said, “Come unto me and I will give you rest.” Did you ever stop to think that “coming” involves leaving where you are. Before you can “come” to my house, you have to leave your house . . . So it is with our spiritual lives: if we are going to come into His rest, we have to be willing to do whatever it takes to leave our busyness.

This is a sample from my life. I can add to it or update it, as the Lord adds days to my life. You get the gist of it. What you put on paper for your family will have your own signature on it, your own values, constructed out of the matrix of your own life.

The essential next step is to
just
do
it.

Char Meredith Hartzell served on the Board of Faith@Work in the 1970s. She writes from Palatine IL.