Football practice. Piano practice. Dance practice. Typing practice. Whenever we want to learn a new skill we need to practice. My resistance to that fact has kept me from learning many things I now wish I could do.
Readiness
When I decided I really wanted to learn to have a personal relationship with Jesus, I sought a way in addition to reading Scripture and other spiritual readings. I had done that for years and it hadn’t given what I sought. I explored prayer manuals, and found they didn’t help much either.
I decided that a personal relationship with Jesus was a graced gift, and when Jesus was ready for it I’d be graced with it. Well, it turned out to be true – that readiness was required, but Jesus was not the one who wasn’t ready.
Written Dialogue
I was fortunate enough to have a spiritual director who is well versed in the spirituality of St. Ignatius, including the Spiritual Exercises that Ignatius developed to train new members of his order. My director first taught me how to write Ignatius’ version of Lectio Divina. Using active imagination we put ourselves within a passage from the Gospels and write our conversation and interactions with the other characters. This was the best method of prayer (intimacy with God) that I’d found up to that point. However, as a recovering perfectionist, I spent entirely too much time on each such adventure, and therefore didn’t do it very often.
Daily Examen
My director then introduced me to the daily Examen. In this practice, every morning I review my previous day by sharing it with Jesus, inviting his comments on the interactions I present. I write both parts of the dialog. However, I often need to think about what I want to tell or ask Jesus; his reply “flows through my fingers” quickly and easily, with little conscious input from my mind.
I deliberately do not investigate what’s “really happening” in these talks; I do not want my mind to meddle with the process. But at the very least, I’m accessing a part of my psyche that is far from my ego.
Jesus is always loving and supportive. He often disagrees with me, but not in any angry, punishing or critical way. He invites me to go deeper inside myself and investigate my resistance to him. Sometimes (rarely) we’re at odds for a day or two before I finally understand what he’s pointing to. He’s very patient and has a lively sense of humor.
I’ve been “talking” with him for about a year, and life keeps showing up with more joy. Fear, anger, grief and pain are still “high cards in the hand dealt to me each day,” but the joy that flows from knowing Jesus trumps them all, and puts them in perspective. I don’t believe I have a special gift for this practice – it’s been used for almost 500 years.
I believe it’s open to any who will respond to Jesus’ call to us to personally be with him. It’s the prime practice that’s enabling me to “see him more clearly, love him more dearly and follow him more nearly,” as the song from Godspell puts it.
John Lobell is a retired Episcopal priest, pastoral counselor and spiritual director. He lives in Columbia MD, with his wife, Carol. Between them they have seven children and twenty grandchildren and four great grandchildren. They attend Kittamaqundi Community Church in Columbia.