The Legacy of a Leopard Coat: Merging Into Wholeness

by Joni Woelfel

I pray that you may have the power to comprehend, with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. -Ephesians 3:18

On my dresser, I have a photo of me taken in 1970 that I cherish. I am standing outside by our family car wearing my magnificent, mini length faux (fake) leopard coat. My hair is long, blonde and parted in the middle, in keeping with the fashion of the time. I look at the faded picture with the curled edges taken thirty-three years ago and I am amazed that I feel as young inside now as I did then. And how I remember that coat! It was like slipping on a persona that was the true me, in the fullest sense. Now all these years later, I see a parallel between that glorious coat and the joy I have found in coming into the fullness of faith. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but it was a long, challenging journey – that I often refer to as crossing a fence, because I saw life so differently. No longer intimidated by what I perceived as cultural or faith boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed, I wanted to draw my own conclusions rather than questioning what I was taught or not taught by my traditional upbringing.

Because I didn’t know where to turn, I traveled alone with no one to guide me at first, feeling my way in the dark, trusting and knowing I was changing. There was no stopping it. The only thing I didn’t have was the validation and language for what was happening. I kept writing about being on the fringes, out there in no man’s land, going wild and feeling drawn to feathers, rocks, rivers, trees, earthy colors, bawdy music like Ethel Merman belting out “Everything’s Coming Up Roses,” exotic fabrics, spices and mystical books. I felt like I was unraveling and examining the belief strands that made up my life in its entirety for the first time. It was great.

There was also frustration, feeling that a major piece was missing that I didn’t have a name for. I actually felt a bit rebellious, knowing that my search was drawing me to the study of a theology that would meet disapproval from certain people whose opinion mattered to me. Despite that, I began studying the feminine nature of God as well as the masculine. It was like coming home to myself, an “oho” moment that honored and blended beautifully with my love of God, as Father. Following this awakening, I began to find a language that was my language. I began listening to my body, feminine cycles, my intuition and trusting in the synchronicity of events and experiences – as the framework of my whole life began making sense.

I was like a child who had trespassed over a fence into a homeland that was mine to begin with. I had a whole new world to explore. Rather than detracting from my previous traditional beliefs, it was as if they were uplifted, renewed, enfolded and energized. When I think of how coming into the fullness of integrated, gender-inclusive faith felt – I can describe it perfectly. It was like slipping into my beloved, leopard coat...and the feeling has never left.

This article is reprinted from Woelfel’s book, The Edge of Greatness: Empowering Meditations for Life, Copyright ©2004. Used with permission. Resurrection Press, 77 West End Road, Totowa, NJ, 07512. Woelfel’s website is www.aplaceoflight.com

Joni Woelfel is a wife, mother, writer, spiritual counselor/companion, grief counselor, living and writing in Spicer MN. She and her husband Jerry will be presenting a grief workshop at the Nashville National TCF (The Compassionate Friends) Conference July 18-20. She is the author of several devotional/meditation books, many of which are available through Faith At Work.