Are You Fun to Live With?

Introduction

Faith at Work has been around a long time. Sam Shoemaker first gathered people in the church basement of Calvary Episcopal Church (NYC) in the 1920’s. Ever since, people have been coming together to speak honestly about what it might mean to put their faith to work in the world.

Throughout this rich history, there have been FAW leaders and friends who have written about faith from this relational perspective. Archives Alive is an attempt to not only lift up some of that excellent writing, but to dialogue with it. In each issue this year, one FAW staff member will present a writing from the archives, along with a reflection on its importance today.

Are you fun to live with? What an intriguing question. This is the title of a book written by Lee Whiston. Lee and his wife Irma were regular Faith At Work conference and workshop leaders in the 60’s, especially after Lee retired from the pulpit. They also both wrote regularly for Faith At Work magazine.

In Are You Fun To Live With?, Lee said that this book is an attempt to implement the Christian faith in the area of relationships….a primary principle is: whenever there is a barrier to communication, whenever there is a lack of love, God asks us individually to search our hearts and not attack the attitude of the other person. Our prayer must ever be: “Lord, change this situation, beginning with a change in me.”

A glance inside the cover of this title reveals it went through at least nine printings. That means quite a few people were asking this question back in the 1960s. I wondered, ‘What might happen if I start asking this question today?’

For the past few months I have. I’ve asked this question in staff meetings, in table discussions, in devotionals, and even in a sermon. I’ve also experimented with a few ancillary questions: Are you any fun to work with, to play with, or to pray with? I quickly learned that “my” answer needed to be validated by others, to be balanced with the experiences of those with whom I live, work, play and pray.

How do I Fare?

So, how do I fare? Am I any fun to live with? Of course I am… I enjoy laughter, playing games, good food and stimulating conversation. I also continue to live by the Scout Law and Royal Ambassador Pledge as learned as a young lad. But when I stop to reflect on my day, I realize I can go hours without the slightest grin, I can go whole afternoons with a furrowed brow, I can live and work in total isolation from the people right around me (even more so when at home). I can also fill my life and space with “stuff” making it very hard for others to feel comfortable initiating a conversation or inquiry… or stopping by for a visit.

On the other hand, just last night at a friend’s house I cheerfully jumped in to help in the kitchen with the cleanup, and my daughter’s friends always encourage me to chaperone their school trips. What’s going on? What’s up with these polar opposite experiences? Last year my oldest daughter Sara was graduating from high school and preparing for college. Her departure would leave me and Anna at home, alone, with each other. Based on the past several years of family life experience I began to imagine we’d get along fine, most of the time. But I wondered how often our similar personalities would cause us to “lock horns.” In past years there were others around to anticipate, mediate and alleviate these clashes. I have no doubt that we were no fun to live with when we clashed.

It has been interesting to reflect on the past year with Anna. I’d give us a “two thumbs up.” How did that happen? Well, we worked at living together in harmony. In hindsight we lived the principles the Whistons lived, taught and wrote about…

• “Implement a right perspective on life.” I worked on holding things lightly, especially myself.

• “Practice setting loved ones free to be themselves.” This especially applied to my daughter, but also to myself.

• “Increase the capacity to love without expecting conformity in return.” This meant giving the Spirit more freedom to work in me.

Both Anna and I worked at our life together. I’m listening more (and listening more carefully). Many people pray for us. God’s Spirit was loosed to work in us! Trusting the Spirit’s presence and power in our lives means I’m being molded, and remolded, and remolded again into a person who wants to be fun to live with.

Am I there yet? Some days… and on the others… well, we’ll hope for tomorrow…